Nomadic Gnome

Free At Last!

2010-07-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while.

It was a brutal time away from home, especially in the beginning. Yet, because of my good behavior - and their diabolical plans for a sweet ransom - my captors let me go (with certain conditions that they seared into my mind).

After I was released, I took a little time to see the world... and, yes, I did hit a "rough patch" ... and, no, rehab was not easy...

But throughout all my travels, I knew in the back of my mind that my kidnappers' threat (and their devilish hope for a reward) was still in full force. And it finally drew me back home... to avoid the unmentionable dangers they would have released on my loved ones if I did not return.

Well, since I've finally been released by my captors, here are a few more pictures of my whereabouts over the past several months.

the beach

2009-10-28T19:23:00.001-07:00

i just love seeing the Pacific ocean. it heLps mE feel so relAxed. though, Sadly Enough, my HappinEss is Lacking Per the hole in my heart. my merriMent has been taintEd by the fact that my dear sweet grIselda is not Very near my sidE.

but, i will Be patiEnt for i feEl her very preseNce and it gives me a Kind of hope. I Do aNticipAte the very moment when we will be together again on the mississiPPi. but, othEr than that, i feel fine and Dandy.

Bumming Around

2009-04-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, I told a small, white lie to the kind people who rescued me and my comrades from the $1.05 store. I told them I was from a factory in China. That’s only a half-truth. While I’m proud of the fact that I survived in that Chinese hell hole, that’s not the whole story. I don’t know if I’ll even share the whole story – even when I recall it now, tears of happiness and sorrow stream down my cheeks. Lying to them (especially the hot Asian chick) was the kind thing to do. I had to perjure myself to soften the blow. I want to let them know that I miss them… fiercely. BUT, be rest assured that I was not harassed into pursuing rebellion. I did that on my own.

I must admit that I was slightly naïve when I first left home. I believed that everything would fall into place. It didn’t, though, so I’ve encountered some tricky times. I noticed that as I walked down the streets of the big yet charming city, there are many who sit with a sign begging for money, or food. So, I thought I’d try that. (I was pretty desperate because I’m used to eating seven to eight times a day.)

It happened on my third day away from home. I was quite cranky because of the lack of food. I was shouting obscenities to the sky, when two city officials told me to, “Calm down, buddy.” Please don’t judge me, like I said I was a desperate man. I told them they could go straight to… well, you get the rest. Anyway, they slapped me with a $250 ticket for “disturbing the peace.” That’s when I knew that I needed a real job.

But then I became distracted. I found the women of my dreams. Yes. That’s right, I said women. As in woman in the plural, many, much wonderful WOMEN sense. First, there was Audrey. Sweet, sweet Audrey. She’s the one on the very left, with the pink tote. She stole my heart, and carried it in that tote. Then, there was Amy. She’s the one in the middle. The one with green on her face. I told her the green spots would bring her luck. Indeed they did. She’s holding me, is she not? Finally, there’s Blaire. Charming, engaging Blaire. She’s the one on the right, striking the delightful ballerina pose. I loved her most of all.

After several days of starvation, I had to get back to the nitty-gritty of my plight. And, after 72 pain-in-the-neck interviews, I finally found a job. It’s no dream-job, but it will pay my way.

Now, only one thing remains. Where to next?

The Arduous Journey

2009-03-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

I feel slightly guilty, but barely-slightly if that makes sense. Mike and Julie have kept good care of me. My problem is, I have commitment issues. I can't stay in one place for too long. Plus, humans sometimes annoy me - for one, they keep giving me things to put on my hat. (what's that about?) I pretend to like it. It's like they think it is cute or adorable or something. Ugh.

So, I’m moving out.

It requires a lot of time and stamina for me to travel seeing as I’m very small, and old. That’s why it’s taken me so long to get from the window sill to the street. It took me a whole month to cut a hole that was undetectable enough so the humans wouldn’t notice, and 15 minutes to repair once I was out. I trudged onward on my squat yet sturdy legs to the hedge and rested. I contemplated the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Without even noticing it I sauntered right out of the complex.

The arduous journey lasted a week (if you’re wondering, I went unnoticed out there in the open because I am deftly sneaky). I’m going to travel a little faster now that I’m no longer a house pet, so I think I’ll catch a bus…

Honestly...I'm Getting Restless

2009-03-17T22:55:00.000-07:00